Risk and Reward

I’d first like to provide some commentary and perspective on a previous post of Shantay’s regarding our experience deciding on how many embryos to transfer during IVF. To those unfamiliar with the IVF process, it’s my goal to help shed some light on how crucial this was and why it was such a hard decision for Shantay. In my profession on a daily basis I help clients determine how comfortable they are with risk and then assist them in making a decision based on historical results and the probability of success going forward. We look at all options, explore the pros and cons, and based on what’s been shared with me by the clients regarding their individual situation I’ll give my opinion and explain why and how I came to that conclusion. It’s a very simple and logical process and if I’ve done my job correctly by the time a decision needs to be made there really isn’t much of a decision left to be made. It’s obvious.

Well, in a much more complicated manner that’s essentially what our Doctors did with us prior to turning it back to us and asking “Ok guys, 1 or 2 embryos?” After months of paperwork, blood work, genetic testing, daily shots, pills, fear, anxiety, prayers etc. it was time for us (Shantay) to make a decision. The Doctor’s very logically explained that they felt genetically we were a perfect match and the likelihood of success was rather high. The Embryologist even raved saying one of our embryo’s was “perfect” and “textbook” ideal in every way” (This btw, was my first proud parent moment). They had then proceeded to explain why transferring two of our embryo’s would drastically increase our probability for success and under normal circumstances would absolutely be the right thing to do. They then however, explained that due to Shantay’s Type 1 Diabetes and Auto immune conditions that “multiples” meaning twins or more could mean an extremely high risk and potentially life threatening pregnancy for Shantay. For me the decision had been made. Although transferring two embryo’s would increase our chance for success it could potentially put Shantay and baby(ies) in danger. There was no “logical” reason for us to take on that risk. I turned to Shantay and said, “Ok, that’s what we’ll do right? Just transfer one?” Shantay was quiet and we then asked to be alone to discuss it.

As if being told by highly experienced doctors what the right thing to do wasn’t enough pressure, I let Shantay know that I very much agree with them and that it’s clear what we need to do. Shantay’s eyes filled with tears she then told me that she feels very strongly about transferring two, despite the conditions and doctors warnings. She felt that regardless of the risk of “multiples” that if one of the embryo’s didn’t make it we’d have a better chance that one of them would. And she was right. Having been an eye witness to her courage in that moment going against very logical, sound advise by absolute experts and her husband as well, I look back on that instance with great reverence and remember now that every time Cooper looks at me and smiles I have Shantay’s motherly instincts and bravery in that crucial, stressful moment to thank.


Of the two embryo’s that were transferred there is no way to scientifically prove that Cooper was the “perfect embryo” that the Doctor’s mentioned, but that is absolutely how we consider him. Our “perfect embryo”.

Well, I guess that’s all I have to share for now. Originally I had intended to share some thoughts on another matter. Here’s a preview I guess of what my next post will be concerning…





6 thoughts on “Risk and Reward

  1. I love reading your perspective on this. I’m proud of Shantay for being brave and proud of you for respecting her decision. And thank goodness she spoke up because what would our family be like without Cooper? Keep the posts coming xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just stumbled across your blog and read every part of it! What a strong momma you are and what a handsome little man you have! Thanks for sharing your story! ❤


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